Sunday, April 08, 2012

Back in the Saddle


I found myself lucky enough to have TWO whole days off in a row this holiday weekend. I had plans that changed mid week, finding myself alone. I didn't look at it in a bad way. I was more relieved.

I want to be alone. Since I was 15, I haven't been single more than a month. I have looked to others for my approval. Afraid to like myself. I am growing up to become who I really am and not who someone else wants me to be.

I love exercise. Great Stress reliever AND health benefits too! I told myself when my marriage was ending that I my goal is not to look for ANYONE else, but to exercise more. Focus on my kids, relationship with God, exercise and work.

I have little post-it notes all around my house that say things like "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are"... and this...

I enjoyed a beautiful 2 mile run first thing Saturday morning, followed by the hour long Yoga session and a 1 hour trail ride on my road bike. Temps for the bike ride were in the high 60's and little wind. It was Terrific!! I had to make the ride only an hour since my bike needs a tune up and my saddle is not used to the sores yet... ha.ha.

I am hoping to sign up for a mud race called the Mud Stash on May 19th at a local ski hill. It looks like so much fun, but I am sad that I won't have a cheering section... That is my current mental block.

My kiddo's joined me that night and we had a great time talking. It felt great to get back on track with them. The feeling of letting your kids down is probably the worst part of a divorce. You hear horror stories about kids acting out but we have been EXTREMELY lucky with our boys. My soon to be ex and I are getting along very well. We are trying to show the kids how to be friends even when feelings have gotten hurt. My Ex is head over heals for a new woman and I couldn't be happier for him. I truly feel better knowing he is happy.

I am kind of picky about my new friends. I don't have a lot down here yet. I am tired of fake people. I get it. I've been there, done that. Fear of rejection, wanting to be included... I am learning to love the silence when I am alone. This past week I had to learn to enjoy it because I was out of minutes on my cell phone and worked so much the last thing I wanted to do was fire off an email to someone. I felt the panic of quietness but was helpless to do anything but deal with it.

Everyday, wait maybe every week, I am finding new things I can like about myself. Slowly, I am growing up to become who I REALLY am...

4 comments:

Unknown said...

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Peggy Rothchild said...

This write up is a testimony of a spell caster i met while searching for spell casters who would help me get my ex boyfriend back to me and i am very happy to say that my ex boyfriend is back to me and is presently my husband. My name is Peggy Rothchild and i am currently married to Peter Rothchild. Peter was my boyfriend and we loved each other so much but my parents was against us seeing each other. We had a misunderstanding which was caused by family feud and we broke up but my love for him didn't leave me because he was my first love. I then contacted Doctor Odunga to please help me get him back. I am happy today that my ex boyfriend is now my husband. This is all thanks to Doctor Odunga and i want all of you who needs help to seek help from this spell caster and your problem would be solved. Visit his websiite at odungaspelltemple.wordpress.com. Contact his email for help at odungaspelltemple@gmail.com Thank you for reading my message.

Melissa Krane said...

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