Wednesday, January 04, 2012

New Year, New Direction!

So, this blog is taking a bit of a different direction here.

December was a busy month. Sorry for the neglect in the blogspot, but some major life changes have been happening...

Let me just say I love my kids. I am not going to go into details here but needless to say THIS IS MY LIFE, your input is not needed. Please refrain from feeling the need to tell me how you think I am lacking mental capacity or feelings. I have listened for too long to other people telling me what I 'should' do or act. I am done. Thank you... ahem.

Sometimes you lose yourself in your life. Suddenly you wake up and realize you ARE LOST. Can't hardly take a breath. Are burdened with years of regrets, and just can seem to get it right. You wander down a path that you are disgusted you even stepped foot on. You cry out for help, but they say "oh, it will get better hang in there" (pat.pat.pat- good girl) Sit and stay just doesn't cut it. Listen first. Really HEAR the person.... they just want love, not judgement. This is not something you just 'decide one day'... like gee, I am gonna where that shirt.... um,no.

I am lucky enough to have a really great sister and some pretty great friends that do just that...
So... I NOW find myself living la Vida Loco. I am finding all kinds of ways to survive...

1. Fast food condiments are the BOMB!!! WOO HOO! No need to buy ketchup, mustard, mayo or various sauces.
2. Having a birthday helps load up on free foods! Starbucks, Baskin Robbins, Cold Stone creamery and Panera Bread are very nice to people who have birthdays! Score!!
3. Apparently when you notice the dishwasher detergent that was on the shelf for $4.72 rings up for $6.99 and you wait in line for like 10 minutes and then another 10 minutes while she does a price check, you get the product for FREE!!! Suh-weet!!! Oh, yeah!!
4. Coupons. Are. Awesome. Especially the buy one, get one.
5. Two words. Dollar. Tree. You can buy laundry detergent, coffee cups, fabric softener and all kinds of stuff for only a dollar each! Total score.
6. Two cushions, two sleeping bags, a set of sheets, and pillows make an awesome bed!
7. In a situation such as this, it is nice that we live so far away from family or friends that mean well, but act so depressed toward the kids and make them feel bad or might say things the kids can overhear about the 'other' parent. We are very civil and the kiddos are a priority. Agreed.

Needless to say this is now a mission to find my way. Get my head right. Know where I need to go, what to do. Making sure the kids are ok thru the process is extremely important.

Right now, I am surprisingly happy. Honestly. Especially considering how many very well meaning 'friends or family' tell me how AWFUL it is supposed to be. Only when people tell me how I am SUPPOSED to feel is when I hate this situation. YES. It is NOT ideal, but this is my life, you are not living it... just reading a blog or chatting with me from time to time... I NEED TO STOP LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLES opinions and find my own.

ahem.. ok... feeling better... let the finding now begin! Hope you don't mind coming along for the journey! Hang on, it might get a little messy... I feel the need to be brutally honest lately!!


Grandma Z said...

Thanks for the blog

Sara said...

good luck to you on your new direction. I hope it gives you the clarity and peace you need and deserve.